Who killed Bob Woolmer?

It’s that simple; the Pakistan cricket coach was murdered. And I know who did it, too.

We killed Bob Woolmer. We the people, the cricketing fraternity, what ZTV calls the “stake-holders”, the so-called fans. Maybe we didn’t take a gun to his head, burn his house down (as some threatened to do) or “fix” his brake cables, but we killed him, sure as shot we killed that man.

Anyone who has ever wagered his all, if only just for a day or a night, on a sporting result. Anyone who has wagered his happiness, nay his entire being, on a “live score” in all it’s Serif-rendered glory. Anyone who has ever awoken at some un-godly hour, arranged himself in a cocoon of snacks and bevies and let the satellite TV wash over him. All of us who call ourselves the biggest fans of our various teams in our various sports.

Often we read about those among us who take this shit just way too seriously. Those cunts who attacked Dhoni’s new house in India, for example. Or the assholes burning Gerrard shirts outside Anfield, and that dumb-ass who chased down Stuart Pearce the other day. The pressure we put on these personalities, indeed the pressure we force them to put on themselves (not least if you have anything to do with Asian cricket) is almost beyond bearable.

This certainly puts things into a measure of perspective for me. I am as passionate a fan as any, and it’s at moments like this you have to stop, look around and wonder how much of your self and your time (not forgetting your hard cash) you are investing in the strengths, talents and ultimately weaknesses of what is, essentially, a human being.

Let’s remember this, people; It’s. A. Fucking. Sport.

37 Replies to “Who killed Bob Woolmer?”

  1. Do you know wat i just read here. Blah Blah Blah Blah. Wah Wah Wah Wah. The only thing that registered was that sport sucks. Please, Anyone, give me something to talk about, anything but sport. PLEASE!!! 🙂

  2. People just need more carnival. I blame 24 hour news. If there wasn’t the forum to discuss the damn thing all hours of day and night people would gain some perspective – the endless match analysis, the agonising replays of humiliating defeats or acts of tomfoolery – Freddie “pedalo” Flintoff is a case in point. So the man has done what legions of Brits do every night of the week….who cares? We need a bashment.

  3. I understand Joe what you saying, but you see; we deserve to invest our emotions in sport becos we spend so much money on it. Usakanganwe that we drive these economies. Altho’ yes, some people do take it too far sometimes.

    Galadriel if u have no meaningful contribution why not just let it pass you by

  4. Don’t worry Gala, one day you’ll care about stuff beyond your scope 🙂

    Granted, there’s always hype over these people’s every little action and fuck-up, but why? Because we eat all that up!

    So another random dude tries to punch Fat Frank Lampard in front of 50 TV cameras, and an African man (Drogbam if u dnt know).

    How dumb are some spectators?

  5. a bit extreme Joe,,,but I also don’t understand someone who whines about a post with no meaningful contribution

  6. YOU write the flippin POST, You keep us flippin intertained, WE are the paying customers here…

  7. I’m sure theres quite a few things you don’t understand Lisa, but the internet is not the best place for you to let them out, Swee’eart

  8. Hey Maximus, a few things; my job is not to keep anyone fucking entertained, let’s get that str8. Also, it seems a bit hypocritical for you to suggest Lisa can’t let things out on the internet, when you’re there whining for someone else to.

  9. Bob Woolmer murder probe

    “Jamaican police suspect that Bob Woolmer “may have been murdered”, Pakistan cricket board spokesperson Pervez Mir has said.”

    Link to News24 story

  10. I don’t believe it…and I won’t believe it until they produce evidence.

    I think it’s a knee-jerk reaction to the police statement, which said “suspicious” and never mentioned murder.

    Of course, the world media will latch on to anything, and all this bullshit sensationalism is a result of this dumb-ass spokesman taking his 15 minutes in the spotlight.

    Ain’t that a shame?

  11. Let me get this straight, someone goes AWOL and pple scream foul play. Murder to be exact. Que pasa??!!!

  12. If there is one thing I have learnt, it is a healthy skepticism of news reports in general and ‘murder’ reports in particular…

    Especially concerning a diabetic man at risk of heart failure and under the most immense stress of his life.

  13. LOL!!! Black, you are special in case you did not know it.

    Am flatshare hunting and it is pretty daunting stuff. Am not the tidiest personin the world but am very clean at that. i just want a house with one flatmate with whom i do not have to share my shower and toilet. Too much to ask for. Oh, would also like to stay in Walthamstow. Am not keen on taking the first step, that is committing to a first viewing. Was it the same for all yall when you first moved out of the house. PS: Boarding Leander House does not count. PPS: Am not living with my folks.

  14. Well, I escaped at 18 so I wasn’t all that picky, it was a matter of getting an “out”.

    Why be so picky if you’re looking to share? Get your own place, then you can be as much a diva as u like

  15. Dude, that’s just wrong! Two sons and a wife in RSA, and he kills himself in Jamaica?

    That one doesn’t wash either. I’ll just wait for the tox report and further investigations. MaTheory eny aya anopengesa!

  16. Do they even have a body yet. The guy is probably off getting laid somewhere on a smaller island sipping on some rum cocktails. We should start a bet, Black wins and he can cotinue talking about sport. Joe loses and no talk about sport for a month. You Game????!!!!! 🙂

  17. well, word is now that they have made an arrest. and its a dirty Paki what dun it. They say they have confiscated this man’s selloollah as part of the ongoing investigation.

  18. ok enuff abt bob woolmer, cricket, zim politics and mozambique explosion, weekend is here! word around twn says some chick has a party today and Oskido is also in town, he is playing at stars. tomorrow there is a braai in Marlborough…JoeBlack i know u love braais:-)

  19. PS: i am reliably informed that beer is going up today, so if u are in zim u better stock up this morning.

  20. Wow, beer prices up again. Whodathunkit? 🙂
    Hey, I used to live in Marlborough. The good old days. Hope the place has not gone to shit.

  21. I think the zrp should have been on this case… they would have had someone ‘assisting with investigations’ in 24 hours.

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