Your multiple-choice news update
Terror has once again gripped the United Kingdom; a wave of attacks has paralysed the nation and instilled a culture of fear among the peace-loving denizens of these scenic, many-blessed Isles.
Yesterday, two [a] muslim [b] British [c] random men managed to ram their [a] haulage truck laden with TNT [b] mini-van laden with fertilizer [c] SUV laden with gasoline into [a] a British army checkpoint in Basra [b] a British convoy in Afghanistan [c] a concrete pillar at Glasgow airport.
These two [a] al-Qaida operatives [b] highly-trained jihadists [c] bumbling idiots managed to [a] detonate their truck on impact [b] detonate their truck on a time-delay [c] prematurely set their truck alight, thereby resulting in multiple [a] infidel casualties [b] airport-crippling explosions [c] burns and injuries resulting from driving a burning vehicle into a concrete pillar.
In what is believed to be a linked attempt at a terror attack on British soil, suspected Islamic jihadists planted a [a] truck [b] van [c] early-model Mercedes Benz in front of a nightclub in London’s popular West End.
An expert interviewed by the BBC claimed all this was an Islamist plot to import Iraqi-style car bombings to London in an attempt to destabilize the new government.
No-one bothered to remind him that Iraqi-style car bombings are both brutally efficient and immaculately planned, and that no self-respecting [a] terrorist [b] pimp [c] human being would be seen in a green Mercedes Benz, let alone set himself alight before managing to hit a concrete pillar when it was easier to drive through the glass either side of said pillar.
Further details are not yet available, and we look forward to any revelations from the [a] torture [b] enhanced interrogation [c] questioning of both [a] Iraqi insurgents [b] muslim extremists [c] burn victims involved in the Glasgow attack.
We also await “evidence” from the numerous, well-documented and plainly visible CCTV cameras positioned in and around London.
10 Replies to “Your multiple-choice news update”
LOL. Although England is no stranger to bombings, remember Northern Ireland, so it’s just like oh, ok, splashed my morning tea is all, will just go make another one. It’s now easier to find a ‘suspect’, any man walking in a big white flowy dress probably tops the mark
Thanks for making me laugh, I really think these guys were not pros either. Varikusungwa and they are not even trying to hide!
allo allo long time, roger are you there over?? these stupid guys should all be hanged what have innocent people have done to them?
I wish CNN had news like this futi
UK at a stand still. PLEASE!!! This kind of thing is like Tuesday here.
The other two idiots decided to drive north. Way to evade capture, guys 🙂
POWER CUT! DAAAAMN!
Very funny but wait until your own people are bombing each other in the city. We’ll see just how funny this all is then.
uuhhh, you need to have time and money on your hands to be making bombs. The only thing in plentiful supply in Zim is inflation. so no, I dont thinks zimbos are in any rush to be making bombs. and that green mercedes inokwana vanhu 5 kuback seat. mari yemuriwo wemanheru.
Zimbos bombing each other? Somehow I don’t see it…oh wait, I have!
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