Attention surplus disorder

Anyone who knows me will notice that I tend to pick up on sometimes random nuances in any given conversation or situation.

Usually this translates to mocking of Shonglish pronunciation (“I am going to bird”) or roaring sarcasm at the idiocy of sports commentary. I even talk like a kid sometimes, just to make my niece sound intelligent.

So I couldn’t help noticing a few things during the now-infamous ‘pact’ signing ceremony at the Sheraton yesterday. One, of course, being the fact that it was held at the Sheraton instead of Zimbabwe House. Hmmm.

“… the president of Zanu-PF party, Comrade Robert Mugabe”.

Well. That’s the first time I’ve ever heard anyone in the MDC call your uncle “Comrade”. Interesting.
On another note, what’s this all about, anyway? People are hailing this as some sort of New Dawn of Hope for Zimbabwe. Really? Surely all they’ve done is agree to talk … haven’t they been talking for three years?

If anything, this all seems awfully familiar, given the events of the eighties and the eventual emasculation and wholesale rapage of a certain vibrant political party?

And does anyone really believe that Some are suddenly willing to make concessions, considering the events of the past four months and Their blatant refusal to either consider the much-vaunted Will of the People, or to put said People before petty personal power-grabbing and partisan political pandering?

Am I alone in being just a leeeetle bit sceptical?

P.S. Shout-out to my nigga Simba Makoni, Crown Prince of Nomansland. How’s the view from the cheap seats?

25 Replies to “Attention surplus disorder”

  1. MT – Morgan Tsvangison
    RG – yours faithfully
    TB – Thabo Mbeki

    The picture of MT and RG shaking hands
    i couldnt paste it

    I know the shona is a bit deep for us born frees

    MT: “Mhoro Gushungo”
    RG: Mhoroi Save”
    MT: “Zvarema ka izvi?”
    RG: “Rume rimwe harikombi churu”
    MT: “Chara chimwe hachitswanyi inda”
    RG: “Waita basa wasaina”
    MT: “Ndanga ndichida kumbokupfidzisa”
    RG: “Usadaro mumwe wangu mangwana ndiwewo”
    MT: “Saka unoda package here?”
    RG: “Chero zvamareva, Save”
    MT: “ Ko Dynamos wakaiwona here?”
    RG: “Bhora futi mazuvano?”
    MT: “Eeh?”
    RG: “Kuona bhora rugare”
    MT: “Kuti zvasvika kupi?
    RG: “Vhunza mai Bona.”
    MT: “Zvichapera hazvo.”
    RG: “Ndinovimba kudaro”
    MT: “Ko Passport yangu?”
    RG: “Uchapuwa hako kana wotonga.”
    MT: “Nemhaka yei?”
    RG: “Ndaitya kuti unozonditiza wondisiira nyika iyi ndoga.”
    MT: “Iwe zvawakainda muMoza wakainda nepassport?”
    RG: “Hee hee! Unoti guma-guma Tangwena taimudii?”
    MT: “Eeh”
    Mbeki: “Gushungo, I told you he will sign.”
    RG: “Thanks Thabo. I owe you a farm.”
    MT: “Chinja Maitiro Gushungo.”
    RG: “Chakabaya chikatyokera.”
    MT: “Manje isu kuMDC, tinoti: mhunzwa unotumburwa nomumwe munzwa!”
    RG: “ Ngatiite braai ka paweekend.”
    MT: “Ndichaiziva nyama?”
    Mbeki: “I will send some chakalaka wors!”

    Archbishop Ndlovu: “Ngatitsunzunyei tinamate”
    MT: “Handitsunzunyi kana Gushungo vari padhuze”
    Mbeki: “Wait bishop. I can draft another MOU for them to pray.”
    Archbishop: “Eeh. Zvakaoma sokunamata!”

    Conversation recorded independently by Nhaka Runesu of the Police Protection Unit, pictured behind above with unbelieving eyes!

  2. It didnt look so much like a handshake more like Morgan was propping the great uncle’s hand in his. If there ever was a limp handshake it was that one. Hapana chakanaka apa.

  3. yep clearly yors faithfully is not feeling the shake at all…mayb its old age and he couldn’t got the whole way so tsvangison had to meet him more than half way..

  4. Eleanor I hope you not jus being pessimistic because some research says “pessimists live longer”… because vanhuwe wat can you read from a handshake sure.

    Ko Mugabe tried to lift Mutambara’s hand and Tsvangason’s hand and bro Morgiza dropped hs hand… can we conclude Morgan isnot a willing party to the talks??

    The problem with these talks for me is the fact that the West keep telling us what the outcome of the talks should be.. so watever outcome even accepted by MDC will not be accepted if it doesnt suite them.. chii ichocho.

    As much as we might be calling Mbeki all names he is the dude that made JB see the results outside polling stations in Hre Central and if we hadnt seen those results the weak handshake might never have been… so for once people chakanaka chirikuuya.. ME BEING OPTIMISTIC AS USUAL.

    And guys the inflation rate and the way information has been goin around the world are bound to push people to want genuine change. I was in the south of Angola a month ago and one of the headlines in a local small newspaper was on Zim violence imagine in a place with nothing no hotel, no water reticulation but the communities felt sori for me when I told them I was from Zim – so dnt despair when things start heating up smthg is bound to happen. Kana kangoma kakuririsa kakuda kupanduka… HAVE FAITH

  5. Haaaa tibvire mhani Andy Tee with your optimism mhani. Isn’t it easy to postulate and pontificate about future sunshine and roses from the comfort of Pretoria?

    In my opinion, optimism is well and good but the harsh realities on the ground don’t seem to correlate. Fine, look forward to better things, but we have to be able to anticipate and accept the shit that WILL come before.

    Do you really want that “genuine change’ you diasporans talk about so nonchalantly? Come home and BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD!

  6. Andy Tee, what happened to a picture being a thousand words? And have faith in what, them agreeing to talk some more. How is it that people are not all talked out, what happened to action? And has a timetable been set for these talks, they could be at this talkfest for years to come and while they fiddle, Zimbabwe burns. What tangible event are you placing your hope on AT?

  7. And I am pretty sure no one has managed to pull the rocket outta Mbeki’s no balls arse. PS: I will generously reward anyone who can hook me up with a Z£100billion bill. 🙂

    AT, you really think MT was happy to have to shake RM’s hand? No fucking way these talks, even when they actually do start, will achieve anything good enough for Zim. There are several solutions that only Jack Bauer can facilitate in 24. Until then, I’ll to stick with my lack of faith.

  8. Well JB… I think I need to come and be part of the change.. point taken.

    The Herald had this to say: “We must salute President Mugabe for his astute leadership, wisdom and love for this nation as he humbled himself to embrace his younger rivals, who do not share the pain that came in birthing this nation … As the first executive President of our country, his legacy should never be compromised or put to shame.”

  9. Eleanor yes there is a timetable – talks should be done in 2 weeks of the date of signing.

  10. Aaah these talk are going nowhere. These two organisations’ ideologies are so heavily polarised, and I can’t imagine the concessions They would possibly make.

  11. Oh, would this be similar to THOSE election results that took almost 6 weeks to release and the run off that took a further gazillion days to be announced. Kana iri 2 weeks African time, then maybe. Coz that sh** could go on indefinitely. In my uninformed uneducated diasporan view, these talks will only succeed in buying the great uncle more time. He has nothing to lose by giving the semblance of engaging in talks. Yes he yearns for credibility but the longer he keeps on with these talks about talks about talks the better. Because kutonga chete. Handiti zvakanzi Tsvangirai mu State House haabviri amupinda. Sekuru venge vachitaura chokwadi.

  12. Guys at 2 million percent (unofficial sources say its 22 million percent) – a country becomes ungovernable. The international pressure can not be ignored. Its one thing coming out telling people to go and hang.. and feeling the pinch when it comes to the reality of running a country.
    So dnt despair hama.. your prayers are being answered..HAVE FAITH

  13. and we all know how badly we adhere to timetables when there’s issues like this at stake. march 29 results were expected a few days after, but only surfaced almost a month after, ironically tho, the june 27 results came chop chop:-)

  14. 1st Donkey:- my owner beats me a lot

    2nd Donkey:- so then why don’t you run away?

    1st Donkey:- I would have run away, but the future here is very BRIGHT…………………

    When my owner’s beautiful daughter is naughty, he tells her “I’ll get you married off to a donkey!”

    So I’m here on this hope……..

    Keeping Hopes may not improve your future, but it will certainly Reduce the pain of Today !!!

  15. Andy Tee, I hate to be so grim but, you probably wont live to see this bright future. Yeah, Bob is old and does not have much time. But it will be a long while yet before Zimbabwe becomes a bread basket again.

  16. And, how long do you suppose it takes to turn around an inflation of 2(or 22)Million%? Will we ever go back to finding the beloved £2 note useful? Or are those times long gone? Are we stuck with the current £1Billion notes?

  17. NZ got their asses kicked again. That was a cracker of a game though. Should be interesting to see how NZ are going to react to yet another loss when they hit reverse jive next week.

  18. You say this because you believe this or you hope for it to come true? they still have next week’s game with Australia again to worry about

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