I might have to hurt somebody soon…

Rolling pins - lethalI don’t know which sign I currently have emblazoned on my forehead which gives random people the incredibly misguided impression that I care about their tepidly vapid existences. Because I am not sure how the menacing scowl permanently etched on my face can be translated into a come-hither -and-unburden-thyself look. (p.s. There isn’t even the excuse of alcohol!)

One of my housemates is this perennially obnoxious little Japanese man. If dynamite comes in small packages, he is the dampest of damp squibs. Anyway this dude is information overkill personified. Yesterday he decides to relieve himself by volunteering this gem of information, that he likes to quote unquote ‘eat p**sy’. I am thinking to myself, bra, you are acting out of place, you don’t know me like that. In which warped parallel universe does this count as polite dinner conversation. At which point do you think I care about your dirty extracurricular activities considering that women here do not believing in manicuring. Touch yourself friend (literal translation: zvibate shamwari)

Aside: if I seem measurably angrier than usual, the company I work for is facing bankruptcy, its looking unlikely that salaries will be paid this month, I have no savings and no Plan B.

Update: As of October 14 I am officially unemployed.

19 Replies to “I might have to hurt somebody soon…”

  1. Morning to you too Elle. Catch you at a bad time? Maybe your ‘eat shit and die’ face actually looks cute, pouty, adorable. Mine on the other hand would curdle milk. No-one will o much as look at me let alone vent at me.

    Joe, we got the antelopes. I am sure it if say that we a well and truly screwed into next Sunday. It will take not one, or two, but a whole dozen miracles (several springboks breaking something) for us to win. We’ve put up a good fight though.

  2. Anyone who knows me knows that I am not ‘a happy person’. And weighing in at over 400 pounds, I dont do cute. Think more crazed elephant in china shop.

    I dont know hey, England have come through when its counted, and teams have torn apart all kinds of history books this RWC. The Saskos though are the only team that I have supported who have come through, so I think I will support England in the final, and by some Jedi mind fuck the kudus will win. The Poms will be doubly insufferable and probably hand out another round of MBEs like they did for the Ashes. Maybe to go so far as Sir Johnny Wilkinson, though he might have to return to Jonathan for a touch more gravitas.

  3. p.s. JB if you have 4000 US dollars lying around somewhere, I will be on the first flight out of here.

  4. This World Cup should be cancelled due to lack of interest…….
    AChique, one of my ships leaves next week with a container of steel. I can hook u up a ride although what activties u get involved in with Captain Sailor is at your discretion

  5. a lot of those sailors are as bent as a nine bob note. I wouldnt be in much danger of nefarious activities being perpetrated against me. *sighs in disappointment*

  6. I will try and raise funds in the Keg today….will pass a hat around and urge people to contribute to the “Help Save Joe” foundation.


  7. Ahem, why do I need saving again? Vim, we excuse you cos it’s your Birthday, but it is Eleanour who needs saving.

    Elle, if you want nefarious pene … ahem perpetration, come home. Your type is in demand here 🙂

  8. If I start walking now I should make it by, oh let’s see, two thousand and twenty one in the year of our lord. But the swimming through the Pacific and Indian Oceans might be a bit of a problem. You know how us black girls are about the hair, especially some of us who have gone au naturel.

  9. I are sorry, the only thing that Kirsty Coventry and I have in common is that we went to the same high school. Swimming is the black equivalent of white people not being able to jump.

  10. Elle, so why the name change?! That is assuming you are who I have been thinking you are. This a Diddly type move or what?! Come now, enlighten us. If you already did, I missed the memo.

  11. Nothing revolutionary about it. I just got bored. And I am trying to pretend that I am now an adult with suitably adult behaviours.

  12. Having said that, I found this gem the other day:

    Recently a man had to go to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut
    off from his penis after his mistress found the ring in his pants pocket and
    got so mad at him she stuck it on him while he was asleep.

    I don’t know what’s worse:

    1) Having your mistress find out you’re married.
    2) Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your penis .
    3) Or finding out your penis fits through your wedding ring (although I am hoping that this a problem that not too many of my bruthaz have. Unless you have Incredible Hulk-like hands.)

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