It’s too late to apologise

OKay sorry, I really couldn't help it. Lol!

I admit, I should have known better. You warned me this would get complicated, and I thought it was all good. I was all cavalier bravado and macho cliché. Now, for the first time, I realise just how complicated it is.

Because baby, I’m in trouble. With the thought of you, the smell of you; the touch of your skin, the taste of your breath, that last hint of perfume and the hair that smells like warm bread on a Sunday morning.

I’m in trouble because of the way we connected, the way we laughed, the way we ate, the way we watched bad television on your (frankly uncomfortable) couch. Because one Idol moment with you is better than all the wild nights of cheap booze and loose women swirling together in a blur of decadence and digi-cam flashes.

Because I’m a grown-ass man, and I’m getting tired of all the usual. Because I’m past all the bachelor rubbish, and it’s not that I’m starting to need less – it’s that I’m yearning for more.

Like a kind heart, a beautiful mind and a warm body. Yours, on all three counts.

Because even though we can’t be together, I long for your company, your voice, and your touch. Because I’d trade even a month of lonely nights just for one awkward morning.

Because this is a love letter – and I’m not sorry I wrote it.

Goodbye my lover, and I hope you’re happy (with yourself, more than anyone else).

80 Replies to “It’s too late to apologise”

  1. ‘Someone please call nine one one?’

    These are strong words brother. Kind heart, beautiful mind and warm body. Very nicely put. I envy the object of your affections, and hope she sees sense.

    Of course your post may mean she already has?

  2. “But who says only women bleed?”
    sounds like youve flipped the script and its YOUR ‘time of the month’

  3. Sounds like a very bittersweet state of affairs hun! Unfortunately, we can’t pick the ones we love…but we can make a choice about what we want to do about it…

  4. Hmmm a ‘spurt’ of comments (lol).

    There’s are times when you just have to let it go, before you start to act the fool and lose all self-esteem.

    File it under shit happens?

  5. Begging is the new black, don’t you know! Jokes aside, its a fine line between fighting to save a relationship and begging, and that is not a good look. Granted in every relationship there is someone who is loved and another who allows themselves to be loved, you dont want the scales so seriously tipped against you. So I am with you on this one, JB.

    ‘I hope you are happy, with yourself more than anyone else’. There is an underlying tone of bitterness I dont quite understand there. Was it one of those ‘It’s not you, its me’ scenarios?

  6. Oh no, no bitterness. Disappointment, really. And no, it wasn’t a trademark break-up, as there was nothing concrete to break …

    … except hearts. (da-da-DUMMMM)

  7. So I read that MT has decided to set up shop in Botswana because he fears being killed. Now that angers me on so many levels. So its okay for his foot soldiers to get killed but he must be busy swanning it around on his ‘diplomatic’ drive, living it up in the capitals of the world. This is the time when he should be on the ground rounding up the troops, trying to negate all the government propaganda. So what if he does die, he is hardly irreplaceable. Its like the great uncle thinking that there will be no musangano without him. Ego and hubris, a heady mix I tell you.

  8. oh snap!

    Mfana Jose it is good to see a sensitive side coming out. I am sure this lady will come to her tru senses one day. Power!

  9. Look at Benazir Bhutto, she died, the movement didnt stop for it. In fact, it can be said it gained momentum for it. Nothing like a martyr to advance a cause.

  10. Guys? This man decided to bare his soul very expressively and all you can talk about is politics as usual??? Where is the tender looving care? He is obviously craving sympathy and attention.

    Poor baby!

  11. 1) So the neighbouring countries are doing a US on Zim’s Ass. Guarding their boundaries from the pending illegal aliens. I bet people were thinking that they were getting all geared up to support someone. Nah, they seen what happens when civil war breaks out. They dont want none of that. They are broke enough as it is. The Gods help us.

    2) JB, please, don’t let me hear you talking like this ever again unless it is about Liverpool. Now, if you will excuse me, I think I am going to throw up.

  12. Gala you idiot 🙂

    Re: 1, as Karl Marx said, history tends to repeat itself. The first time as tragedy, and the second time as farce. Apply at will.

    2, my friend, are you shocked kuti I can actually feel? I’m as alive as anyone, maybe the difference with me is I live and die for all to see.

    I decided long ago that this blog was a public outlet for very private issues. How can I now censor myself? The good with the bad, my friend.

  13. Oh and JB, I gather you hated my South Park impression of you. Mean’t no offence. Just so easy to get it wrong when you trying to be creative.

  14. No, commitment wasn’t the issue. In fact, I won’t explain that statement in a public forum. Bad form, you know.

    Gala is that what you were doing? It’s not that I wasn’t impressed, it’s just that a photo of me should be a photo of, well, me? 🙂

    Thanks though

  15. See JB, first you say the blog is for you to vent and hold nought back 25, then you go and make the comment in 32. Which is it?

  16. Shit, inspite of comment 24, I totally forgot that Zimbabwe was (or not) in crisis. Where we at?

  17. Don’t be so narrow Gala, obviously there’s some shit I’m not gonna talk about. It’s not just my life I’m talking about here.

    What, did the common sense go out with the bathwater today?

    (lol I tease you in jest, dear)

  18. dude, you need tissue:

    “Because baby, I’m in trouble. With the thought of you, the smell of you; the touch of your skin, the taste of your breath, that last hint of perfume and the hair that smells like warm bread on a Sunday morning”

    soccer at keg and white this eve and you can tell me all about it!!

  19. Lol yigga, I don’t need tissues for my issues 🙂 Besides this counts as telling you (and the world) about it.

    Soccer will be at the Scud & Nanny, cos my car is back in the shop and will be lucky to get it out even tomorrow, apparently.

    Go Liverpool.

  20. men!! in the midst of an emotional out pouring they discuss soccer and politics!! i’m almost tempted to ask whether that was real or just words, because men are pretty sleek with those…. 🙂

  21. im touched you braved my ‘uncomfortable’ couch and ‘bad television’. wow joseph wat’s minnie supposed to say to words like that..except that yes, it was obvious there were and are complications and issues to be dealt with. unfortunately sometimes things escalate beyond your control… im sori, ….just dont know wat to say. i just never imagined i’d be discussing this on a ‘public forum’ ……

  22. Aw Minnie, you didn’t have to 🙂 And you know I was kidding about the couch and the bad telly (although Lost, I must say, is shocking).

    Good times, good times.

  23. I think this is all contrived drama. Come clean with your Mickey and Minnie Mouse act. Puh-lease.

    Although if its true …

    … BEYOND awkward. Joe, back to politics!

  24. Hey come on guys, give the girl a break. She’s new to this. Although yeah, we are kinda washing our dirty drawers on the communal line, wot?

    Would you rather we didn’t? Then what would you do with yourselves at lunch-time?

  25. Hey, I am all for people hanging their dirty laundry out in public. However, not so used to having both parties in the same space and time responding to each other. I like people paraphrasing and using poetic license. In this case, the story has probably come to a grinding halt, which may be more ethical, but not as much fun.

  26. Mavekutiza nyaya apa. So do tell us Minnie Mouse – the heart was poured out, bold words were said blahblah. How is your love story going now?

    Happy endings?

  27. Is this how far the story has come? Wow.

    So – no pressure Minnie Mouse. What are the results?

  28. Joseph look wat you started. no pressure huh? if you in the same country as some of us i’m sure you’re used to not having results out wen you expect them because of behind the scenes activities and politburo meetings! and i thot by flipping the other side of the coin- because this public saga was seriously one-sided and because it sounded like Joe was enjoying the bleeding attention- i thot if i said something i’d at least curb the speculation, instead i seem to have fired it up.

  29. ZEC! Lol.

    But Minnie’s right … this is by no means a one-sided affair, and I am in no way some wronged, victimised paragon of virtue. Of course I’ve committed my fair share of sins here, and fully deserve any resulting pain and issues.

    Yes, there are behind the scenes activites and negotiated settlements, so wait for the re-run and you’ll get the final results 🙂

  30. And so the truth rears it’s ugly head as always. Mfana Jose, what did you do to this poor young lady, hmmmm? Did I not teach you betta. Confess. You are withholding these results!

  31. so its “too late to apologise” yet “there are behind the scenes activites and negotiated settlements”

    are you begging nigga?

  32. “Its okay to lose you pride over someone you love but dont lose someone you love over your pride.”

  33. Uh oh, Wait a God Damn Minute! Wait for the results? JB, you using this blog and all the chatter ( i.e. US) as a way of reaching out to or getting a reaction (positive of course) from this Mystery Lady in (or not) your life? You just trying to get dialogue going between y’all. Coz if you are, I feel so used. Violated even. And it ain’t proper. You gots to warn us first. Let us in on your plan. That ain’t much to ask is it? 😉

  34. Why you gots to be a bitch? 🙂 Of course I don’t need to use anyone to get dialogue running, haha. I shared, she shared, but don’t you think there is some shit we have to discuss outSIDE of this blog?

    Jayzus, you choose to take the wrongest direction possible sometimes, Gala. You’ve got me all wrong. What, you want the entire thing hashed out right here? Dreaming.

    Okay, really. Sorry to snap. But seriously.

  35. Hey, sue me. So I have a tendency of over analysing things. Better safe than sorry right. But I could be right, you could subconsciously (I hate spelling that word) doing what you claim not to be doing. Bet I’d make an excellent lawyer. Being able to read between the lines and all. That’s a good thing, right?

  36. How nice of you to faka pressure Mr Mushaz, by calling out histories of persons here present lol… thanks tho 😉 it’s all luv.

  37. Ms Joseph? joe?? i could be going on and on responding to all this when its actually not my couch you been sitting on?

  38. so have u guyz agreed for a run-off Minnie & Jose or u want UN observation of that run-off.

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