Now if only they had a microphone …
You know how sometimes you’re in a situation, and you really want to say something, but at risk of ridicule / physical violence / firing you say another thing? When your mind tells you one thing and says another?
It’s always fun to compare what I’m thinking and what actually comes out. Maybe one day we’ll stop being robots, and say what we really feel. Ooh, the world would be an interesting place. Here’s what the voices in my head have been screaming lately.
APPLE GUY: Wire* fifty.
VOICES IN MY HEAD: Blaz, what the hell, it’s not like you’re selling golden eggs or something. There’s better be a princess and dwarves involved here, damn!
ME: Ndipo two.
OFFICE DRONE: Joe I’m looking for a job.
VOICES IN MY HEAD: And of course I’m a walking classified ads. I know every job going in every country in the world, and I’ll reach into my huge database and pluck the perfect position for you. How about this: crash test dummy? Arsehole.
ME: Well, if I hear anything I’ll let you know.
CLUB CHICK: I’ll have an Amarula, kana Viceroy and lemonade.
VOICES IN MY HEAD: Damn girl, forget where you live? This is Zim dammit, don’t order shit you can’t buy yourself. It better be blowjob night or sum’n in this club dammit, I ain’t paying no goddam millions fo *snip*
LOLO: Ah Joe sha, your hair needs a retouch.
VOICES IN MY HEAD: Oh FFS, again?? I’m getting tired of your stuck record dammit, everytime you come around it’s the same thing. Move on dammit, think I don’t have a fecking mirror? I ain’t never said anything about your goddam wea *snip*
ME: You know what? You keep saying that and I keep ignoring it. Give up.
CUTIE: How come you don’t call me anymore? Wandirasa?
VOICES IN MY HEAD: You know, if you stopped complaining about how I don’t call you , maybe I would actually call you. Like damn, stop whining girl, it’s unattractive; if you shut up for a second maybe we’ll see a movie, hook up, whatever.
ME: You know I been busy, I’ll call you this weekend. We’ll do sum’n.
RANDOM PUB GUY: You drinking again? (by way of greeting)
VOICES IN MY HEAD: feck off, you jammy bastard!
ME: feck off, you jammy bastard!
*Wire – slang for 100 thousand dollars, or 100 million if you left Zimbabwe long ago.
19 Replies to “Now if only they had a microphone …”
Hehehe thanx for making me laugh after a long day shamwari, i dont like work anymore.
Or when Rafa talks about his side showing character, but unable to score goals. I am thinking, the Premiership/Champions League are won on goals not on character, or did they not teach you this in Coaching 1-oh-1
aiwa when Benitex says that hes busy thinking “I gave the useless bloody buggers a good plan but they failed to execute i want to fire them all mauseless”
I’m sure that’s what Benitez was thinking last night. Bloody terrible.
Lisa you wanna become a housewife now? Haha.
As long those voices are not whispering evil blahs into your ear 🙂
others are just naturally evil, they don’t need the voices to tell them he he
I see you too are a victim of Lolo’s many “hair audits”, lol.
Long live bed-head
Yeah , the voices speak!!
Uchaterera the voices ako, then you’ll break your relationships nevasikana if you do that shi…
I have a friend anoita prefect of hair-dos, that tswana woman irritates me to hell!
It ain’t her fault your weave pisses her off …
HE he he he he
Are you starting others?
the new Prince Tendai
Dont play with naked fire ya’ll!
FUCKING ALL BLACKS!!!Stayed up till 4am for that shit!!!!! FUCKING SHEEPSHAGGERS!!!!!
I’m sad, but there was a sad sense of inevitability about it all.
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