So I walk up to the girl at Ballantyne Spar with two sixpacks of Mountain Dew in hand (the fact that I was buying Mountain Dew should have been alarming in itself, but anywho).
I’m hungover, I’m sweating, I have no power at home and it’s blistering out. So I’m in no mood for shit. Shit ensues.
She looks from cans of sugar-water to me, back to cans, back to me.
“Do you have changed money?”
Me: “Do you know how much the drinks cost?”
She: “No, but I do know I have no change at all,” indicating the till clearly stuffed with nothing but large bills.
And by large bills, I mean nothing smaller than a ten. Hey, I’m a Zimbabwean, gimme a break.
Me: “Well, if you don’t know how much it costs, how can you assume I’ll need change? Why don’t you just ring it up, please?”
She: “Do you have exact money for the drinks? I won’t be able to give you any change …”
Me, clearly annoyed: “No, I don’t have exact change. The stuff costs 9.90 and I have a fifty, so no, I don’t have exact money.”
She: … blank stare …
Me: “That was sarcasm.”
She: … confused, looks around, maybe for a supervisor …
Me: “Just ring up the drinks, the change doesn’t matter to me.”
So she rings up the fucking six-packs, and is pleasantly surprised when they tally up to exactly $9.90 as I’d said. I hand her a fifty, and she sheepishly says to me …
… “What’s sarcasm?”
P.S. – To hydrate either the flu or a mild hangover, try Mountain Dew. For a strong hangover, use beer. Just saying.