That Time of the Month

It is the first of the month, which means that many men the world over are experiencing their monthly period.

A period is the part of the monthly cycle when a man bleeds from his bank account for a few days. In most men who have periods, this happens every twenty-eight days or so. It is common for men to have cycles slightly shorter or longer than this.

Maintenance, also known as papgeld or child support, is the regular discharge of dollars, Rands and various other world currencies from the inner lining of the bank account, sometimes through mobile banking. Up to 80% of men report having some symptoms prior to maintenance.

Common symptoms include acne, anxiety, feeling tired, irritability and mood swings. These symptoms interfere with normal life, and therefore qualify as Pre-Maintenance Syndrome (PMS), in 20 to 30% of men afflicted. In 3 to 8%, symptoms are severe.

The first period usually begins between twenty-one and twenty-five years of age, a point in time known as fecking around. However, periods may occasionally start as young as eighteen years old and still be considered normal. The average age of the first period is generally later in the developing world and earlier in the developed world.

In most men who get their period, various physical changes are brought about by fluctuations in hormone levels during the maintenance cycle. This includes muscle contractions of the stomach lining (cramps) that can precede or accompany paying child support.

Some men experience emotional disturbances one or two weeks before their period. Symptoms may include mental tension, irritability, mood swings and crying spells. Problems with concentration and memory may occur.

There may also be depression or anxiety, which can be rapidly treated by consulting the nearest barman.

A late period can have some devastating consequences. These may include, but are not limited to; arrest and detention, court dates,  appearances in newspapers and blogs, embarrassing high-volume visits at work, church or during other public activities.

Period prevention is simple, and usually involves wearing a condom.

Be careful out there.