The One B*tch Theory of Social Media

Is there always at least one bitch lurking on any social media platform at any one time?

While looking at my Twitter, Facebook and WhatsApp group experiences, it appears that no matter what you post on any social media platform, there is always at least one person with a shitty reply.

Due to the almost real-time and character-limited nature of Twitter, this behaviour appears to be more prevalent there than on Bookface or App. This does not make the behaviour any less annoying.

It seems that whether you post something nice, or a joke, or talk about your favourite TV show (like Game Of Thrones), or a photo of your baby – virtually anything – someone, somewhere, will find some shit to say about it.

It could be a man, woman or child, but you’ll recognise the One Bitches when you see them.

Some of these smart-ass trolls like to end their bullshit comments with a “LOL” or a laughing emoji, as if appending a smiley-face to the end of a bullshit comment makes said comment less bullshitty.

I’ve experienced this many a time, one example being when someone endorsed my NBO Magazine project, tweeted about it, and received a couple of bitchy replies. Like, whet? I don’t even know you, hater.

Some will say, well, you do it too, Joe. Yes, I know. To be absolutely clear, quite often, that One Bitch is actually me.

Some will say they’re trying to bring humour to a dark matter, because everyone is being so serious. Indeed, they’ll end up playing the victim – I was making a joke, your average bitch will say. Why you catching feelings, they cry?

There are even others who believe it is their duty to make nasty replies to public figures (whatever they’re famous for) because that’s how celebrities “stay grounded, and besides, asking for fame means your private life becomes public, right?”

It is therefore clear that, quite often, the person being a bitch doesn’t understand that they’re being a bitch, or even why they’re being a bitch.

But the facts are there for all of us to see – just open up any random Facebook or Twitter post, especially by a moderately popular person, and see what I am talking about.

That One Bitch can be a member of your family, or a complete stranger. It can be your brother, sister, friend or enemy, hell it could even be me; but there they are, lurking, talking that shit.

The worst Bitch is the anonymous one – hiding behind a fake name and picture to troll any and everyone they feel like. I’ve never understood this. I mean, are you such a bitch that you can’t even be one in your own name? That’s so sad. Personally, I’m not shy to have my own words and thoughts attributed to me.

So before you reply to that Facebook post, or that group WhatsApp, or that Tweet, ask yourself – do I really need to be a bitch right now? Maybe if we all paused before replying, the world would be a far less angrier place.

Maybe today, just don’t be that bitch – why don’t we all try it? Maybe it works, maybe it doesn’t.

But whether it’s me, or you, there is always gonna be that One Bitch on social media.

Quod erat demonstrandum.