After reading all the stories about TelOne killing the Internets, and how Zimbabwe was now even more isolated as a result, I wasn’t surprised to come into the office this morning and find……no emails.
I had an accident over the weekend. Not what’s you’d expect, like the crash-bang-thud-twisted-metal-body-parts-everywhere kind. Nope, this was a self-infilicted bout of indigestion, probably resulting from an unhealthy mix of whole grain mustard, chillies, peppers and dodgy beef. Bad.
1. Clothes no matter how wonderful they are, do not have powers of locomotion. They will NOT pick themselves up off the floor. Underwear with skid marks is a definite NO-NO. Mate, Softex is there for a reason.
In an effort to simplify things for all my potential dates out there, here’s another list of 10 things; this time a few basic requirements I have of my ideal girl. Just so we can have at least a shadow of a chance at a meaningful and lasting relationship.
Here’s a few photos from the inaugural Miss Interbanks competition held at Prince Edward on Saturday night. I was there, I was drunk, and I had a camera.
So I gave it to my brother to take my photos, while I sampled the beverages and checked out the girls! I think I need to sample some of Tetrad’s goods and services!
So Mel and I were on the road this morning, and at the corner of King George and Cork, the big-ass truck in front starts reversing. Then a couple of people bolt from the car in front of it. Then I see smoke rising into the early-morning sky. And we realise: the thing was on fire.
Yeah, I think I’ve arrived at that stage in every Zimbabwean’s life where I look around, dig deep inside and ask myself that age-old question: should I stay or should I go?
Alright, for those of you uninitiated in the pleasures of Violet Moyo’s music, I’m gonna educate your ass. So, there I was listening to Wedgie’s iPod when I came across some of the dumbest shit I’d ever heard, and asked him what the hell I was listening to?
I know it’s rare, kinda weird and naggingly un-patriotic, but I thought it was about time I put down a list of things that erally get on my tits. It’s not all about hating my native country, I just think anywhere on this planet, the following shit would piss just about anyone off.
You have to wonder. Not long ago, Guv of the Reserve Bank of Zimbo, Dr Giden Gn (he’s removed 3 zeroes from his name) introduced the new and ‘convenient’ ZWD100k bearer cheque. Which, of course, is bright green. Now, having wasted all that money and effort, that thing becomes useless in 19 days.
So, Trevor is off to South Africa tonight. Well, if Air Zimbabwe don’t do their thing. Yes, that delay and cancel thing that they do so well so often. I digress. There goes another Zimbabwean, off to the Big Bad Diaspora In Search of the Almighty…uhm…Rand.
So I’ve borne witness to many clangers and howlers in my recent past, but as blonde moments go, this one takes some beating. So during the Spain vs Ukraine game, my white blonde female roommate asks me in all earnestness : ‘Why isn’t Beckham playing for Spain?’