Hell is other people, and Facebook is its waiting room

So there are politics of Facebook friendship. Any activity is a potential minefield, be it posting a photo, a status update or (God forbid) changing relationship status.

There are adults with children and families and (for a few) jobs who actually catch real and serious feelings over nonsense that happens on a social networking website.

I’m not speaking of the adults who complain about “spoilers” just because they haven’t watched the latest Game Of Thrones episode, yet log on to social media websites to complain about other adults who are almost guaranteed to be freely discussing the latest Game Of Thrones episode.

Honestly, how can someone expect their own problems to be the rest of the planet’s, where just because you haven’t watched a worldwide televised event, you still feel entitled to press Sign In on a twitter account and expect nobody at all to be discussing said worldwide televised event?

I don’t understand – if my own lack of hustle (or instructions from She Who Must Be Obeyed) prevent me from watching Game Of Thrones on time, I log on to my Twitter or Facebook app knowing that other adults may freely be talking about it. Spoilers? You’re spoiling yourself, mate. Grow up.

Oh yes, growing up.

“ABC is friends with DEF, GHI ignored my friend request, JKL unfriended me, PQR swore at me in a comment on MNO’s status update about News Story C.”

I’m not talking about 15 year olds at Heritage School whispering at break time, I’m talking about actual grown-up, old-ass mens and womens. Actual grown-up mens and womens sore about Friend Requests, who gets to administer a Group, a deleted comment, or another adult’s new Friend.

Adults with kids can be pettier than the kids themselves, and I find that hilarious. Wanna know the best part? I can be as petty as the rest of them.

In hell, all interaction with demons, LeBron (that’s the devil’s first name), fellow tormentees and wait-staff will be done via Facebook status updates, because that is actually a form of torture.

(And yes, of course there are wait-staff in hell – who do you think dishes out all the side-eyes and spits in your food?)

Because let’s not forget, we all have choices throughout our social media interactions. I am free to unfollow, unfriend or block you on Facebook. I can very easily mute, unfollow or block you on Twitter.

For the life of me, I can’t remember how the fuck LinkedIn works, but yeah, that too.

Logging on to a social website or app is a voluntary act – please, let’s not make other adults responsible for our own usage of said app.

As I speak, there are cliques forming in a certain section of Facebook because a certain admin unfriended someone who thinks they’re too important to be treated thus so now they’re angling to take over admin of the group and now I feel like slitting my wrists just typing out such childish shit.

Anyway, if you find yourself being troubled by what you read in a rugby group or family or school group, or if someone is annoying or trolling you, do something about it. Life is too short to be aggravated.

The power is yours.

Log off.